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Gimmicks
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Last night, my family and I watched "Hart's War," a newer movie about a German-run POW camp during World War II. Like so many others, that war sickens me, especially the persecutions.
I especially hate seeing similar racism, bigotry and hatred happening today, based not just on religion, but sexual orientation and skin color. Hart's War is more about the discrimination of blacks, than the mass murder of Jews.
At times, it is hard for me to continue my friendship with such people, but I always hope that my words might be able to provoke change.
I once dated a nice guy who, in casual conversation, referred to blacks as "the brothers." This was NOT done in a nice way, either. One evening during a typical rant about "how 'the brothers' ruined Detroit," he became majorly pissed at me when I told him he was prejudiced. This was the same guy who was deeply offended at Polish or Catholic jokes!
I was fed up and told him to take me home. He, in turn, threatened to break up if I didn't take back calling him, "prejudiced." FINE WITH ME! And that THREW him for a loop! I guess, thinking about telling our circle of friends why we broke up, showed him the light, because he suddenly was willing to talk. He tried to "explain," but I refused to buy his excuses and pointed out he would NEVER use the term in front of anyone who was black. I insisted he NEVER use derogatory terms again in my presence.
He agreed. It was a small change, but it was POSITIVE!
Until recently, I would have said my husband, like so many others, is homophobic. Well, not entirely...he doesn't mind "bi-curious" women, OF COURSE, but he was SCARED of what he didn't understand.
Naturally, he tried the old Bible-thumping trick as an explanation, but I pointed out that same Bible said he was not to sit in judgement of others. PERIOD.
Over the years, I quietly worked on him. It could have been easy to ignore the issue, since he didn't really know anyone who was gay. Still, I knew that something would crop up close to home.
And it did. His cousin, Gina, who he just LOVED, "jumped out of the closet" in 1999. When we visited Florida that year, he heard Gina's brother bashing her and LOOK WHO STARTED SPOUTING MY WORDS: "Tom, what business is it of yours? She's happy and that's all that matters." Yes, my husband was thoroughly disgusted!
Tom, similarly, tried excuses, but R nailed him. Finally, it simply got down to how Tom was sickened "at the thought" and "worried how it looked to others." Literally! This WHINING from a 400 lb. male NURSE who just moved out of a trailer park!
I found it more disturbing that he thought about his sister having sex!
Admittedly, R has not miraculously done a complete about-face on the issue--not too long ago, he became VERY upset when I asked him, "What if one of our kids, or grandkids, is gay?" All of a sudden, he regressed to 1995.
"Women are supposed to have babies and gay couples cannot," he argued. Oh, REALLY? When did artificial insemination disappear? What about adoption? What about infertile HETEROSEXUAL couples? Got the same problems with them?
Of course not.
The verbal sparring that ensued the next few weeks got quite heated. Finally, I threw at him, "How many gay couples have you heard of that have thrown their newborn baby into a garbage can to die? You think that little heterosexual murderous girl who did it is BETTER, just because she screws guys?!!?"
It all boils down to the fact that he knows the prejudice and shame a gay child would face from his own family, not to mention, too much of our society. It petrifies him. It scares him because he doesn't understand homosexual love, but it's no different than the love I feel for him. It's not "sick." There are still miles to go.
One of the best funnies I ever heard was from the movie, "Boiler Room." A bunch of cocky, young stockbrokers are sitting at a table in a bar and start trading insults with the table of guys next to them, who they assume are gay.
"I wish they would take all of your kind and drop you all on an island somewhere."
"Guess what? You're on it!"
Oh yeah, the movie takes place on Long Island. Sunshine - Walking on Sunshine -
1/21/2003 08:20:00 AM
